Growing Through Inevitable Loss.
A passage way through the transition of Summer, into fall. Written under the influence of Pu’er Tea, infused with Oud wood.
I dream of wide open skies, etched with pine trees seemingly reaching to the clouds. Where my body stands in the soil of wonder, longing, & contentment. The scent of damp aspen tree along the river side, pine sap that I collect as a souvenir that reminds me that my blood is connected to this very land. I lay my bones by the river; drinking tea in the half shaded trees. I burn the incense that reminds me of the spirit that travels with me wherever I roam, remaining a lingering song of home to my nose. A life of contemplation etched forever into my soul, as Iv'e journeyed through time a thousand times around the surface of the earth. The ancestors talking through the land; my old soul knows Iv'e been here many times before. This land will always invoke longing, grief, and family. This inkling is familiar and dear to my heart. A knowing that change is inevitable. Loss is apart of love. Yet, will I always lose what I love? That is the question; I ponder longer. Can I love with no restraint, or must I comb myself back out of the knowing that loss is near? I like to think that love is more of a softened feeling that never dims, only fear interrupts the flow. The love only emanates more as I embrace that life always transitions and the love only deepens through it all. My body aches and trembles through the natural decomposition; knowing this phase is coming to an end. But my ears pick up on the heart beat of the soil, Iv'e known since birth. So I let my body sink into trust, becoming heavy with the earth. my whole demeanor softens from the contraction of ending, to an inner knowing that all will remain in love. I am content; my breath is subtle like a flower petal in the wind. I am carried by the river flow, no stopping the descent. I am gone now, fully taken by the nature around me. The only thing that can stop the flow, is fear. So I stay oriented to my surrounding environment and find myself transform into each element, so I know what its like to experience the power of my own nature. No separation. My love grows as I experience the variety of what I can become. Iv'e completely forgotten about the ending, forgotten that loss existed. Only for a moment I remember it when I transition to a different element, quickly merging into the love that engulfs me when I become something new. I float up the mountains, and then become the vast seas. Sometimes I miss the smell of pine, but then I sit for the same tea that I drank when I sat at those pines and remember my innate connection intertwined. I will never forget the ancient memory living in my bones, knowing I am held by this body by their structure, Feeling that same merging upon death through my trembling bones that once gave structure to my soul, disembodied back to the earth mother to become her, to feed her ONE living organism, as my spirit rises into something new again. This is what I remember each time I sip my tea, so I shall dedicate my life to this practice of remembrance.
